My liver just broke up with me...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
