i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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