I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
