Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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