singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
