We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
