So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
