Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
