i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
