Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
