either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
