So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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