omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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