bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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