He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
