You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
