My first STD was from a foam party
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
