what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
