she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
