her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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