I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
