I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please, let me fuck your mom
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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