Jerry, you need to find god
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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