A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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