Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
