I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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