It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
