Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
