I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
