oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
