Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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