I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
