I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
