Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
