if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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