apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
