I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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