Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
