just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
