if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I did not marry a roomba.
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