And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
