i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He did a backflip because drugs
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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