When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
