How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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