Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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