Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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