I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
