My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
