C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Boobs are out for the taking
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
