I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
