Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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