he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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