3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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