i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
