I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
