bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
