my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
